Mozzarella Sticks!

One of the weirdest things about leaving the food industry, for me, was getting used to working at a desk again. I remember being shown to my desk at my first job after quitting the cheese biz and feeling like it was too good to be true—all that desk space, just for me, with a chair to sit in, ample room to move around, and drawers to fill with my own stuff. I’d had office/administrative responsibilities in my previous jobs, but no dedicated place to do them, so having my own space was a game changer. There are drawbacks to desk work, though. People are always surprised to learn that I gained weight after leaving a job whose primary unwritten rule was “Always Be Tasting,” but the truth is that all those bites of cheese were offset by being on my feet for 8 to 12 hours a day, hauling half-wheels of Parm that weighed a good 40 pounds each, and the general expectation that I be busy moving at all times (“if you have time to lean, you have time to clean”). Office work is… not like that. Although I’ve applied some of my old food service ethos to my current job (I’ve cleaned and organized every conceivable space in my office in the span of the last two weeks), I’m much more likely to spend my down time at work browsing my favorite websites rather than scrubbing counters or sweeping floors.

That was a long-winded way of building up to the fact that I recently re-discovered the brilliant essay from the now-defunct Gawker.com in which Caity Weaver decides to test the limit of a TGI Friday’s unlimited appetizers promotion.  It brought me so much joy that I immediately sent it to Alex, who responded, “…and now I want mozzarella sticks.” I decided to hit up the freezer section of my neighborhood grocery that afternoon, but to my dismay, the only frozen mozzarella sticks available were… *gulp*… TGI Friday’s brand. And Caity had just devoted 6,000 words to the fact that TGI Friday’s mozzarella sticks are garbage.

I bought them anyway.

Honestly, they weren’t terrible, but they weren’t all that good, either. “Not even worth the calories,” as my mom would say. They certainly didn’t satisfy Alex’s mozz stick craving, but I pretty much moved on and forgot all about it within a couple days—that is, until Alex texted me a link to this recipe from Bon Appetit with a follow-up text that simply read, “Please?”

As I mentioned last week, our heat was inexplicably running full blast at the time Alex sent me that request, and while I would do anything for love, I won’t do that (deep-fry in an apartment whose ambient temperature is 84F). But once we got the heat situation sorted: game on.

Deep frying has a well-deserved reputation for being a pain in the butt, but really, it’s not all that complicated. The food goes through a dip-dunk-dredge routine and then spends some time in hot oil—easy peasy, right? The issue is that it’s messy and time-consuming, and if you live in a small space like I do, it leaves your home smelling like hot grease for a day or two. But these are small sacrifices to make for the joy of real, honest-to-goodness mozzarella sticks, and let’s face it: it’s for the best that they’re annoying to make. Could you be trusted with the knowledge that fresh mozzarella sticks were easily within your grasp at any given moment? I could not.

When the occasion calls for it, though, here’s what you do. Line up three shallow dishes in a row, and fill the first with flour. Stir together some eggs and milk in the second, and in the third, combine panko and an assortment of spices (I didn’t have all the dried herbs the recipe called for, so I improvised with what I did have). The panko is the key ingredient here, since it’s about a thousand times crunchier than regular bread crumbs, and it’s what will give your mozzarella sticks the “oomph” frozen versions can only dream of.

Also, it’s worth noting that this is no time to get fancy with your mozzarella. I am all about fresh, local mozz, but the water content is all wrong for this. You want the cheap-o mozzarella that comes in 1-pound blocks—the better for cutting into little batons– and has a texture that it would be fair to call rubbery. But, for the love of all that is holy, do NOT buy part skim—get the whole milk stuff. As Max McCalman says in The Cheese Plate, “Part skim is part insane.”

Take each piece of cheese and dip it in the flour, then in the egg mixture, then in the panko mixture. And then do it all again. Double dip equals double crunch. I always try to use one hand for dipping in the dry ingredients and the other for the egg mixture, but as you can see, I’m never very successful.

(Irony is wearing a FitBit while preparing deep-fried cheese.)

One your mozzarella sticks are all coated and pretty, they need to spend a little time in the freezer. I’m assuming this is to keep them from totally disintegrating in the hot oil. I lined mine up on a baking sheet and made space for them in the freezer, and once they’d been in there for about an hour, I transferred them into lidded containers for easier storage. This recipe makes way more mozzarella sticks than two people should ever eat at one time, so it was nice to have them neatly tucked away in the freezer until the next craving struck.(Which, truth be told, was the next day– but that’s not important.)

Once these guys are fried, they are just… so, so good. I’m sure no one will be surprised to hear that melted cheese with a crunchy coating is delicious, but these are seriously even better than I expected. Fresh ingredients, y’all! It’s crazy!

Just look at that melty action.

All right. I can’t write about this anymore. It’s making me too hungry.

Mozzarella Sticks
adapted slightly from Bon Appetit

1 pound mozzarella
¾ cup all-purpose flour
3 large eggs
3 tablespoons whole milk
2 cups panko (Japanese breadcrumbs)
1½ teaspoons garlic powder
3 teaspoons blended Italian herbs
1 teaspoon dried thyme
Vegetable oil (for frying; about 6 cups)
Kosher salt

Cut mozzarella into batons (I ended up with 16 pieces). Place flour in a shallow dish. Whisk eggs and milk in another shallow dish. Mix panko, garlic powder, Italian herbs, and thyme in third shallow dish.

Working with one piece of mozzarella at a time, dredge in flour, shaking off excess. Dip in egg mixture, then coat in panko mixture, pressing to adhere. Repeat steps for a second coating. Transfer to a rimmed baking sheet lined with parchment. Repeat with remaining mozzarella. Transfer baking sheet with mozzarella to freezer and freeze at least 1 hour.

Fit a large pot with deep-fry thermometer and pour in oil to come 2″ up sides. Heat over medium-high until thermometer registers 350°. Working in batches, fry mozzarella, turning occasionally, until golden brown and crisp, 2–2½ minutes. Transfer to a paper towel-lined plate and season with salt while still hot. Serve with marinara sauce.